Saturday, 2nd October 2004
Somethingz Cookin
My second article for the Barri Ollu section is something i have been wanting to write for a long time but haven't been able to unfortunately for one reason or the other.
It is something which a lot of people can relate to specially fellow desi guys. It is something they dreaded of, spent sleepless nights over and tried their best to be prepared for. If you still dont know what i am talking about it is the task of 'cooking' (the name of the article is probably a give away).
From a personal viewpoint, i too used to be scared as hell thinking of the prospect of having to cook for myself. Coming as it is from a family where me being the youngest was pampared no end and wouldn't even go to the kitchen for eating food (would have food brought to me), let alone go to the kitchen for cooking. Almost all of my desi friends here and across US were also in the same boat as i am (if any guy tells you he used to cook when he was home in India, believe me he is lying).
As the time for leaving for MS approaches, to add to thethe predicament that one is in, facing Visa fears etc, one also dreads the day when he/she has to start cooking for themselves.
It is in such state that emergency crash (no pun intended) courses in cooking goes on in their home kitches under the watchful eyes of our doleful mothers. I was not an exception to this rule.
Finally the day to leave for US arrives, and as expected all the advice about cooking, nutrition etc has undoubtedly falled on deaf ears.
Many desi students who come here cant make rice !!!. If you cant make rice, i really dont know what u can possible cook in this universe. Well but still desi guys travel across the seas in hope that miraculously they will learn cooking, how they will is beyond their imagination. At then end of every tunnel there has to be light and to the relief of all their mothers back home, most guys do manage to learn how to cook, if not in the same class as a master chef but enough i guess to survive.
i thought i would describe a few experiences me and my roommates had during our baptism into the world of cooking. After i landed in US, since i stayed at my sisters house, i was put thru a total grind in "A crash course in cooking - for bachelors" by my sister (and her father) and hence by the time it actually came to cooking by myself i was a seasoned pro (comparing to the other poor souls who just got here). "Cooking aint no rocket sciene" ... " anyone can cook" were phrases i heard often enough.
Believe me, my roommates were pathetic. They made me look like a master chef. They couldn't make rice let along chop onions and peel potatoes (two basic tasks in cooking). The first day vijay made Dal (since he had brought so much dal from india we nicknamed it vijay's dal) ,he added so much turmeric that the food went straight from the pan to the dustbin. The first time sudheer cooked he had three girls (cousin and her roommates) help him out. The first time subba rao cooked the fire alarm went off and the authorities had to confirm a false alarm. Thankfully my expriences (although laborious) yielded (if not tasty) edible results.
Another incident that comes to mind is the 'Boiling eggs in the microwave' incident. One weekend sudheer was feeling hungry when he decided to have boiled eggs. So he asked me how long he should keep the eggs, i replied about 15-20 mts atleast. The next thing i see is that there are flames inside the microwave. Thankfully we were on right there to handle the situtation. I t was then that sudheer realized that i meant boil the eggs on the stove and not in the oven. Hopefully he wont make the same mistake again. This also reminds me, the first time we cooked the fire alarm went off and we had the concerned authorities call us up and make sure that everything was ok. I must admit that on one occasion i was guilty of setting off the fire alarm when i got a little adventurous in my cooking and was trying to cook chicken in the oven when the alarm went off when i opened it to turn the chicken pieces over !!!
The policy that we adopted (considering our immense talent in cooking) was to share cooking turns. Since we were 5 of us, each one cooked on a weekday and on weekend, the kitchen is a free for all, anyone who feels hungry (and most often the first one to feel hungry) cooks something. It might sound simple enough but belive me cooking is only half the story, cleaning is the other (not so pleasent half). Discharing cooking duties is one thing, discharging cleaning duties is an altogether different cup of tea.
As the days progressed, some of my roommates go better at cooking, the others no so (i dont mention who all coz there still is a long way for all of us to go in terms of sharing an apt and cooking for each other). As things stand we are now able to manage cooking so that we survive and by the grace of god, almost everyone has learnt the art of cooking chicken (which is a very cheap dish in the US). But one of the problem of cooking chicken is that the number of hungry mouths increases beyond the roomates and includes some from neighbouring passer-by desi guys. If only everyone perfected the art of cleaning, then life would be some much better. :)
Since a person cooks only once a week and only at night. Afternoons everyday it is leftovers of previous night. If there are any leftovers then we manage with it. However (on the rare occasion) when the previous night's curry was tasty and every one has had extra helpings, then we are left to our emergency dish (explained shortly) or eating rice with pickle (i know it sounds pathetic and it is probably is).
On days besides the "chicken party/feast" days, we have what we call an emergency dish or egg fry which everyone has mastered in making and can be made in a jiffy. If someone is hungry and doesnt feel upto cooking they end up making this. We eat so much egg and chicken that someday soon we will start laying eggs as well !!!
So until one of us actually masters the art of cooking (ideally all of us should) we are stuck eating whatever the person cooking conjurs up. Hence a problem. Well i have recieved quite a few suggestions regarding how to overcome this problem. One solution which i would like to share with you (and hopefully implement as well) is as follows.
Invite Subject X (most preferrably of the fairer sex) to cook for you on a particular day. Praise the food cooked that day irrespective of how it is. Invite Subject Y (also of the fairer sex) to cook for you the next day. Tell 'Y' that the food of X is much mcuh better.The fight for supremacy between 'X' and 'Y' is certain to guarantee that from next day onwards both 'X' and 'Y' will invite them selves to cook and display their culinary skills. On this third day tell 'X' in front of 'Y' that 'Y' is cooking better than 'X'. This will spark off a never ending quest to prove whose culinary skills are superior. I have statistics to support this theory and evidence that it works as well with several succes stories. It is just a matter of time before i /we put this devious plan to use. If anyone has a better solution, pleaz take pity on us Hungry souls and share the idea.
The initial task of inviting them to cook must be handled with guile. Offers of helping out in shopping (carrying their heavy groceries etc) and/ or assignments will do no harm in your cause of roping in the poor 'bakras'.
As i pen this article, there is something brewing in the kitchen. Hopefully it is something edible. If any one wishes to comment on this article or share their experience with me pleaz write to me. Till the next article, adios and take care.
Posted by Nikhil on Saturday, 2nd October 2004 in Fun | Humour | Embarrassing | Nonsense | Life in general